monday was the first day of school. i'm taking three online courses and one class that's on campus. before this semester started, i dreaded the thought of having to wake up sooo early for a class that needs my undivided attention. i know i've only had two days of classes so far but surprisingly, i love it. i wake up at 6 tuesdays and thursdays so i have more than enough time to get ready. when i get up i also wake baby up. i still nurse him and he's really stubborn (like his mommy) and won't always take the bottle. so i just figured i'll wake him up when i get up and put him back to sleep before i leave so zeus won't have a crying baby on his hands while i'm gone. i love it tho because west is at the point where he smiles a lot and starting to talk which is THEE best way to start my morning.
i was really nervous tuesday when i woke up to get ready. it had been so long since i was a student in an actual classroom. after class i felt good! just being surrounded by students and in a school environment made me feel...i guess you can say "young" again. lol what i mean is, even though i let a lot of time pass after high school before i realized i needed to get back into school, as old as i am, i felt like i am doing what i'm meant to at this point in my life. i appreciate education so much more than i did. my babies make me want to do better, become better, be bigger than myself. i feel like i'm actually doing something with my life and progressing the way heavenly father wants me to. if i learned anything at all the last 9 years, i learned that it takes time to actually know what you want. to know what it is that truly makes you happy.
the one and only thing i used to regret was not finishing college right after high school. by now i could be living the life of a successful college graduate. i'd probably be making lots of money (hopefully), a home owner, and a totally different person. if i could trade anything for that life, what is it that i have now, would i have to sacrifice to relive the last 9 years? i used to think (and still do to an extent) that i have nothing to say for myself. my 10 year high school reunion is next year and what have i accomplished?? what do i have to show?? lemme tell you EXACTLY what i have. one loving, supportive, caring, thoughtful, patient husband who always puts the kids and me before him. who is quick to give me what i want and need by being a hardworking responsible man. and four beautiful living, breathing, little human beings who teach me life lessons each and every day. i grew them. i birthed them. i nursed them with milk that MY body produced. they are a part of me. they are my most cherished possessions. they are 4 little pieces of my heart walking outside my body. so again, what would i need to sacrifice to relive the last 9 years? the answer...everything i live and breathe for, everything that makes me truly happy.
thinking about it that way, i will never again say that i have regrets. because saying that i do means i want to take back the trials i went through and everything i learned while overcoming them. i became stronger. i became wiser. i became better. i became everything heavenly father wanted me to be at this point in life. i am doing what he wants me to be doing. i am where he wants me to be. all on his time, not mine.
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