written on Sunday, January 9th

Last night we met up with some family and celebrated our little cousin's 18th birthday. We were still out as it hit midnight and I realized that today Waylon is 5 months!! I can't believe he is almost half a year old already. It feels like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. Time sneaks by soo fast. But I guess that's what happens when you're busy living life. Thinking about Waylon and Worthy growing older made me just a little depressed, I'll admit. Because it means that I'm growing older as well. I'm 24 and I think that's old. Especially when I visit home and see my little sister and all my nieces and nephews again after being away for so long. Some of them have grown into young women and young men and I can't help but wonder, "Where the heck was I when THAT happened?" And then I look at my parents and think about the day when their mission on this earth has been fulfilled and they're called back to where we came from. Yes, I guess I should be happy that they'll be living a life full of love and joy on the other side of Heaven. But no matter how much I try to think of it that way, I just can't. I'm not a selfish person, but when it comes to the time I have to spend with loved ones, I take the 'most selfish' award. I want my time with them to last forever. To live my life always with them at my side. And THAT made me think about my boys again. I want to teach them, guide them, lead them as much as I can before I leave them. To love them, cherish them, watch them grow to be the men they were meant to be. Support them, comfort them, and PRAY for them. I never comprehended the love of my mother until I became one myself. Worthy and Waylon will always have all of my heart, mind, and soul. Time is not my best friend. But I've accepted that it's a part of life, too valuable to ignore. I want to be able to one day look back at the times my boys were once babies knowing that I spent every waking moment without regret. So I'll hug them a lit tle tighter, kiss them a little longer, and laugh with them a little harder because I don't ever want them to forget, or even question, how much their mommy loves them. Never.