this and that

today worthy asked me something that broke my heart. as I was changing his pump, he asked, "only little people wear pumps? waylon gonna wear pump? when i get bigger like you, i won't have to wear a pump anymore?" i was speechless. it was totally unexpected and i didn't know what to say to him after that. my eyes filled with tears a moment after what he asked me registered in my head. my heart broke a little and it hurt. it hurt a lot. there's nothing i wouldn't give my babies and if i could take away worthy's diabetes, i would do it in a heartbeat and suffer it myself if i could.

as a mother, we are constantly worrying about the well being and welfare of our children. as a mother of a diabetic child, more precautions are taken than most other kids. i am constantly worrying about him at school. worthy is very shy and because of that, would he tell the teacher if he feels his blood sugar levels were too low or would he keep quiet? as far as sports, we would have to make sure we have extra snacks readily available during games in case his sugar levels did get too low. the last time we saw worthy's doctor, he expressed to us his concern for some of the low levels worthy was at because it could cause brain damage. on the other end of the spectrum, high levels could cause blindness, organ failure, and nerve damage (which is why some diabetics are forced to have their legs amputated), among many other complications.

each year worthy is required to get blood drawn for any signs of diseases since diabetics are more at risk for them. his blood levels this year came back negative for any, but just thinking that there is a possibility that some time in the future it MIGHT show up positive for something, i would not be able to live with myself knowing it was my responsibility to keep his sugar levels at a normal number. i just worry so much about him and after he asked me those questions today, made me think if i was doing everything in my power to keep this from feeling like a burden to him.

i am really hard on worthy to prick his finger and check his blood on his own because i just want to make sure he is able to do it without any assistance. he complains a lot which makes me impatient sometimes, but now thinking back, it is a sign for me to jump in and help. he does know how to do it on his own and to make it easier on him, i should do it so it won't feel like such a chore for him. as his mommy, my heart aches knowing he has to do this for the rest of his life. although it's all he knows, it's not easy for him. he doesn't understand yet the disease he has and just goes through the motions because he knows he has to. i love this boy and i try harder each and every day to be a good mommy for him and his siblings.

ONTO OTHER THINGS, i met with my counselor last week. i am soo excited because she said if i work really hard the next two semesters (18 hrs each), i will be able to graduate with my associates degree in may!! i know i could do it and really want to do it but what worries me is how it will affect my family. i feel if i do go through with it, i won't really have time to spend with my kids...so, although i would LOVE to, i won't. my time with my babies is just too precious and i'm not willing to sacrifice it just to graduate with a degree 4 months sooner than i would. but just hearing that made me soo happy. :) smiley face all day!

i've come so far sometimes i can't believe it. first, i give all thanks to heavenly father for blessing me with everything because without his hand in this journey, we definitely wouldn't be where we are. second, i couldn't have done ANY of this without zeus. his support and willingness to care for our babies while i'm gettin this thing done shows that he cares for my goals just as much as i do. it would be impossible without his support and love and encouragement when i feel discouraged. he is even standing by my side with some of my business endeavors i'm striving for...something that's foreign to the both of us. it's definitely a learning process, but despite the hardships he knows we'll face, he's still here cheering me on. i love him and am so blessed to have him as my husband and as the loving AND patient father he is to our babies. he is truly my better half (as he cleans the bathroom (without me asking him) as i type)!!